Monday, November 13, 2006

Seduction

Stewart's assignment: Seduction in less than a thousand words. How about in less than three hundred?



Second Date

We walk up a short rise, aspens at the crest, a few boulders. A wildlife preserve she says. A favorite place. Even in November.

She steps ahead of me, her full long peasant skirt luffing in the wind. She knows the trail and reaches back to haul me up. From there and along the ridge crest we hold hands.
Last Thursday night we saw a film, foreign and with subtitles. She said she liked it. Hard to tell. We kissed at her door. She said next time we’d go to a place of hers. There would be a next time? We kissed again, briefly, smiling.

We walk for forty minutes seeing only one other person.

“This is one of your favorite things?” I ask.

“It is,” she says.

Through a ravine. Autumn colors are long gone but there is a certain beauty here. On a flat black rock we sit and talk and muse and are, for a time, quiet. It’s a good quiet with no straining need to fill the silence.

“A bit further,” she says.

We enter and exit an acre of woods and find a stand of aspens, growing but bent into half-hoops from root to ground; a little wooded cavern. We bend to enter and sit beneath sparse cover as the wind shifts. Thirty minutes later a light snow starts. The flakes feel fresh and good on my naked back.

15 Comments:

At Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 9:14:00 AM EST, Blogger Susan Miller said...

Nice. Nature presents a nice setting. Once again, I am impressed by the limited number of words, the economy is it, used to tell a significant story.

On the other hand, I wonder if it is telling in some way that you can perform an entire seduction scene in less than 300 words....and I, maybe simply representing myself or possibly the stereotypical woman, find the art of seduction hard to fit in 1000 words.

A man seduced by the hint of a leg under a skirt. Thank you for writing, Jon.

Another comment on the story I read yesterday. It came to me as I was driving to work. Futility...it spoke of futility and my wish was some type of hope for her. Thus, as a writer you should most likely be proud because I would keep reading hoping that she would somehow be saved or save herself.

Thank you for the comments on my story. You are very insightful and helpful.

 
At Wednesday, November 15, 2006 at 11:59:00 PM EST, Blogger miller580 said...

Nice job. 300 words! Me, I was fighting to keep it under 1000. But after re-reading mine I could easily cut 200 words.

One thing I really like was: Last Thursday night we saw a film, foreign and with subtitles. She said she liked it...

I liked how that paragraph flowed, the narrators thought process.

Keep up the good work.

 
At Friday, November 17, 2006 at 8:55:00 AM EST, Blogger Jessica said...

Romantic setting. I love reading about nature.

 
At Saturday, November 18, 2006 at 5:08:00 PM EST, Blogger Stewart Sternberg (half of L.P. Styles) said...

I had a chance to read this out loud for the writers' group on Thursday. It's a sweet piece. Jon's phrase usage is poignant. The description of nature is evocative and at times startling.

Interesting discussion opened on what would happen if someone tried maintain that level of description or that tone for a longer narrative.

I think we all agreed that it would become tiring, for both the writer and for the reader.

Mixing things up, finding the right tone or the right voice for the passage or work is a challenge for every writer.

 
At Tuesday, November 21, 2006 at 12:59:00 PM EST, Blogger Pythia3 said...

Jon, I love your Monet.
So many colors in such a small space.
BTW . . . where have you been?

 
At Tuesday, November 21, 2006 at 2:22:00 PM EST, Blogger Jon said...

been?

 
At Thursday, November 23, 2006 at 9:38:00 AM EST, Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

Beautiful setting and writing! I find it tremendously difficult to write about seduction or sex unless it's not working. Alas, that probably says more about me . . .

 
At Thursday, November 23, 2006 at 9:38:00 AM EST, Blogger Michelle's Spell said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At Thursday, November 23, 2006 at 12:59:00 PM EST, Blogger Pythia3 said...

Been . . . as in it's been 10 days since your last posting! Are you withholding from your readers? LOL

Stopping by to wish you and your family a blessed and Happy Thanksgiving!

. . . and I'm also here to make sure you dress your turkey for the occasion. NO NAKED TURKEYS.

Lindy

 
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